Monday, November 29, 2010 @ 5:36 PM
a love note.
November 29, 2010
I want to let you know that im trying my hardest to give you up. Its a real shame because for the first time since my last heartbreak I felt love tingling my heart. It was you who made it beat again... for that I am thankful because you reminded me that I wasn't dead... that I could love again. Right now i'm really hurting because no matter what I do, I can't even get a glimpse from you. I can't even take away your pain... I realy wish I could do something... I really wish I can show you how amazing and great you are and how lucky that girl you'll ever love. I want to show you that everything you're looking for is right here. you don't even have to look around, I've already stepped in front of your doorstep. I wish. I can only wish and pray to God that he'll let me win your heart.. so many times i've cried during service... asking God what I should do... He told me to "wait, have hope, i'll answer your prayer at the right time," but here I am sitting here wondering if that answer was for you, or for my plea of finding the right person. I am... afraid to say, that i've fallen in love.. Im afraid to bare my heart out there and let if fall when im not even sure if there would be someone to catch it. One thing for sure though, you made my heart flutter, when no one else could... why did you come into my life? why did we get close? I am dying to know... Sometimes I wish you'd ask me "why me?" I can think of so many reasons, but one thing prominently comes to mind, you, are a man with amazing faith. you are very sweet although I know I haven't seen that side of you just yet... I can just feel it, I know there's something about the way you smile that makes me fall in love with you... the way you look into the horizon as if waiting for something magical to happen. It hurts me to see you cry during worship services... and to hear you so broken and helpless over the phone... that night I called you for the first time, I couldn't stop myself even though I said that I will never call you first.. but I couldn't stop myself..wish I was there to embrace you and tell you everything would be okay and that she can never hurt you... but I can only do so much...you still love her and I know that you're not ready to let me in your heart just yet. I tell myself everyday that everythings gonna be okay.. and eveytime the clock turns to the magicall 11:11, I wish for one wish.. that someday I may have you and care for you.. *sigh*.. how long... how long can I make my weary heart wait? How long can I sacrficce my love for you? If I knew I had a chance, I'd wait forever... but what if I don't? There is no point arguing with myselfp anyway.. its not like I can stop loving you.... at least for a long time... I can't bring myself to stop loving you just yet.. and im not sure if I want to just yet.. This has done more complicated that I can imagine and im afraid...
My brother just asked me why i've been quiet since we got back form NJ.. he said he couldn't feel my aura.. I told him I didn't want to talk about it... in reality though.. I just wanted to tell you... I've fallen for you..
Maybe someday you'll read this letter, maybe you never will.. either or, this is my heart pouring out to you, I hope that you will realize that.. in the meantime, i'll continue to pray for that chance to be with you.. and give you the world that you ex-girlfriend wrongfully took away from you.
John Phillip, I want to thank you for the countless texts that you sent me, it always made my day, made my week... I appreciate all the jokes and all the advices that you gave me, whether spiritually or through your personal experiences... I thank you because.. I felt alive even for just a second.
When you're ready to love.. let me know..
I'll be here...
Labels: I want to