Monday, April 12, 2010 @ 5:03 AM
-oh so 'fantastic' monday
my weekend was great. lets begin with that
went to delaware, drove that sexy rental car for hours.. hours on end.
broke down a little saturday night, but im much more stronger than that.... i think
sunday went well, almost a day passed by i was distracted and didnt think much of you.
watched The last song, made fun of little white girls and their annoying "oh-em-gee". thanks guys it was amazing.
then its now coming back to bite me in the ass.
the moment i woke up today it is you i think of
i couldnt even wait to get on a computer after i got home from devotional prayer just so i can sit back and stare at your profile once again.
damnit...
i was so good the past two days.. wth.
im back to base one.
i thought i let you go
what the hell charmaine, enough. you can love from afar but you shouldn't drag him down this rabbit hole with you. get that in your head silly girl, this isn't wonderland.
in a fb stat i asked:
"how are you suppose to know that what you're fighting for is worth it?"
a few responses i got:
-if that person is willing to stay with you no matter what.or if he's willing to make sacrifices for you. maybe he is worth fighting for.
-if that person really love me.. it's worth forghting for.
-if that someone is willing to fight for you too then i think its really worth fighting for, it should not be one way only
interesting.
no comment.
before i left you standing in the dark i told you its time for me to get off this rollercoaster we've been in for a year and 6 months and get on another roller coaster by myself. I feel like i never really left that rollercoaster, more like as i was stepping out my dress got caught and the car starts to run again and im just stuck there hopelessly trying to hold on and stay alive.
char: maine, you say that you are trying your hardest but you're not you're really not.
maine: you and sam.. you both think im not trying my hardest.. yeah im not trying my hardest to forget and move on but thats not what i was referring to.
i tried my hardest to stay alive. oh and boy thank god i succeeded.
no one knew.
no one asked.
everyone expected me to be strong
as i always was
but no im so weak.
P.S. i still love you