Thursday, February 11, 2010 @ 8:03 PM
-i saw 'dad' today
it was really nice seeing you today =]... haha and gave you a hug too ^__^ something he told me he was jealous of hahah. its been a while ):
i'll let you in a little secret.. when you have your back turned i use to imagine what is like to be able to call you "dad", i was so certain that one day i was gonna be able to say that. i was alwasy to timid to hug you because i was always a little scared you were always a little to mad.. haha, but Mr. Evans, i am truly grateful that you treated me like a family, i dont know why i just really liked that :) it was the first time i was accepted by someone, possibly an in-law.. really thought that oh man.. i use to love the name Charmaine Jane Rafael Evans but since i might never have that.. then i guess ill just continue loving that in my dreams..
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and to you... im just. im speechless.
after i told you im leaving and thinking of moving away, this is what you say to me?...
maine: i dont want to leave char...
i wanna stay here..
i have you
i have an
i have everyone
i even have memories of him..
char: just tell me.. so i can fix my birthday
it seems you want to move
maine: char im going to your birthday no matter what..
char: yeah but not part of my life anymore.. i was not going to cali because of you
wow.. i can't belive you cared about your debut more than me and me moving... throwing away my life..
wow.. just wow..
speechless.
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you've finally found your happiness
you've finally found your strength
maybe i should leave you now.. give you some peace..
sigh..
even if i lie to myself..
so confused.
p.s. i still love you