Saturday, February 6, 2010 @ 11:15 AM
-Reality slapped in my face.
Me: how can you and sam push away someoen who's willing to die for you.
think about the situation
with you and mark
and with sam and me
thats what im talking about
Charlene: because sam doesnt want to keep his hopes up AT ALL when he knows there is nothing that is gonna happen to you guys
pretty much
Me: and i guess it doesnt matter to him that god gave me a sign..
Charlene: ok
guys like him will only bring you down
Me: he already has char..
and succeeded at it too..
i cant find a step to bring myself back up.
Charlene: you dont need him charmaine its all in your mind.
im dead serious abou tit.
look imma prove to you on valentines day
Me: but what about this conflicting thing char...
about god's sign..
am i just confusing it...
Charlene: idk... ur confusing me
Me: do you now know why...
im soooooo
confused...
sometimes i feel like im twisting god's words.. into my own liking..
but there are times where.. it just hits me hard... "dont lose hope"
....
Me: i just dont know char...
you know me...
i have a pretty good idea about myself
and i dont easily back down to anything.
i already told you before..
because i knew myself
i told you
i dont know if ill ever be able to come back up if i lose sam
and you know me..
if i do back down to anything..
trust me..
its a big thing.
i've already reached my limits.
i dont know how long i'll survive..
i dont know what to believe anymore..although charlene's point hit me quite hard.. it wasnt the first time i heard that.... it was... at least the third time i have... even coming from sam's own explanation..
sigh..
i dont know what to do anymore....
God i beg please.. show me the way.....
Guide me as i walk...
Please give me strength...
i cant do this on my own...
Give me the faith...
that someday it may move mountains...
Please give me the hope...
So i may continue serving you..
Please dont leave me God..
You are all I have...
Please.. listen to my prayer...
my heart's desire..
If it not be against your will..
Call him once again.. in your embrace.
Amen.
*tears*...