Thursday, December 16, 2010 @ 4:44 PM
one year today..
December 16, 2010..
its been a year... of loneliness.. i can still remember last year like it was yesterday.. and how at 12 in the morning my life changed.
earlier you updated saying "one"
i know..
i know you still love me..
you didnt have to say it..
i can see..
i can feel it...
i dont know what to say....
but i do....miss you so much.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010 @ 3:45 AM
generating a fun list
- Learn how to forgive and forget.
i can do this.. i have to to.. for the sake of brotherhood.
-Stop myself from looking around for love too much and too hard.
i gotta stop looking, who knows maybe ill find it somewhere unexpected. but
gotta keep praying though. I can do this right?
-Most importantly, have trust in God.
"Dont lose hope, have faith..... I will answer your prayer when its the right
time."
Monday, November 29, 2010 @ 5:36 PM
a love note.
November 29, 2010
I want to let you know that im trying my hardest to give you up. Its a real shame because for the first time since my last heartbreak I felt love tingling my heart. It was you who made it beat again... for that I am thankful because you reminded me that I wasn't dead... that I could love again. Right now i'm really hurting because no matter what I do, I can't even get a glimpse from you. I can't even take away your pain... I realy wish I could do something... I really wish I can show you how amazing and great you are and how lucky that girl you'll ever love. I want to show you that everything you're looking for is right here. you don't even have to look around, I've already stepped in front of your doorstep. I wish. I can only wish and pray to God that he'll let me win your heart.. so many times i've cried during service... asking God what I should do... He told me to "wait, have hope, i'll answer your prayer at the right time," but here I am sitting here wondering if that answer was for you, or for my plea of finding the right person. I am... afraid to say, that i've fallen in love.. Im afraid to bare my heart out there and let if fall when im not even sure if there would be someone to catch it. One thing for sure though, you made my heart flutter, when no one else could... why did you come into my life? why did we get close? I am dying to know... Sometimes I wish you'd ask me "why me?" I can think of so many reasons, but one thing prominently comes to mind, you, are a man with amazing faith. you are very sweet although I know I haven't seen that side of you just yet... I can just feel it, I know there's something about the way you smile that makes me fall in love with you... the way you look into the horizon as if waiting for something magical to happen. It hurts me to see you cry during worship services... and to hear you so broken and helpless over the phone... that night I called you for the first time, I couldn't stop myself even though I said that I will never call you first.. but I couldn't stop myself..wish I was there to embrace you and tell you everything would be okay and that she can never hurt you... but I can only do so much...you still love her and I know that you're not ready to let me in your heart just yet. I tell myself everyday that everythings gonna be okay.. and eveytime the clock turns to the magicall 11:11, I wish for one wish.. that someday I may have you and care for you.. *sigh*.. how long... how long can I make my weary heart wait? How long can I sacrficce my love for you? If I knew I had a chance, I'd wait forever... but what if I don't? There is no point arguing with myselfp anyway.. its not like I can stop loving you.... at least for a long time... I can't bring myself to stop loving you just yet.. and im not sure if I want to just yet.. This has done more complicated that I can imagine and im afraid...
My brother just asked me why i've been quiet since we got back form NJ.. he said he couldn't feel my aura.. I told him I didn't want to talk about it... in reality though.. I just wanted to tell you... I've fallen for you..
Maybe someday you'll read this letter, maybe you never will.. either or, this is my heart pouring out to you, I hope that you will realize that.. in the meantime, i'll continue to pray for that chance to be with you.. and give you the world that you ex-girlfriend wrongfully took away from you.
John Phillip, I want to thank you for the countless texts that you sent me, it always made my day, made my week... I appreciate all the jokes and all the advices that you gave me, whether spiritually or through your personal experiences... I thank you because.. I felt alive even for just a second.
When you're ready to love.. let me know..
I'll be here...
Labels: I want to
Friday, November 26, 2010 @ 8:44 PM
shedding a tear and falling down deep.
dear heart,
its been a while since you last beat like this, since you last fell so hard shattering it became so easy. and im sorry, because i made you hope and believe.
"theres no spark"
i knew it well before, even now.. i just.. didnt want to face it. i kept getting 'confused' but i guess in reality i was just too afraid to face the truth. fact of the matter is, im just a friend.. always will be one.
see, i have no problem with that. like you or not, i'll always be here if you need a helping hand. ill always wake you up when you need an alarm clock and will always give you advice especially when you need it the most.
see the thing is, you knew
that i like you.
somethings can be misinterpreted, but considering some situations we've had how do you expect me to freaking interpret it?
this year..
i thought i could at least end it right.
but considering what i must do now,
it might now even start right at all,
---
hindi ko na po yata kaya...
its been a real tough and emotional year.
hate shedding a tear when you've fallen down deep.
Monday, October 18, 2010 @ 9:24 PM
hit me up with lethal injection, then a defibilitator.
My heart gets so confuse,
its so weak, loving is becoming a need, not something that happens.
why must you be so hard.. to attain.
i really shouldnt concentrate on this crap because of the 500 other things i need to accomplish. but i cant help it when i see other couples and i just get real lonely, wishing.
i could literally feel my heart so darned heavy.
sorry heart,
i know you're tired, but i havent found someone willing to take care of you yet.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010 @ 6:57 PM
convo with the biffle.
: i think we make a pretty good couple
: in the back of my mind, i've always wondered what it would be like to be with you
: lol
oops1ifarted
: hahah, it'll be bangin.
: im a pretty good gf,
: least i think i am
: HAHAH
: ego booster FTW!
AJ Smilez
: and i know i can be the best any girl can ever have
oops1ifarted
: hahah, it'll be bangin.
: im a pretty good gf,
: least i think i am
: HAHAH
: ego booster FTW!
AJ Smilez
: and i know i can be the best any girl can ever have
: double ego-booster FTW
oops1ifarted
: AHAHAHAHHAHAHA
LMAO!
oops1ifarted
: AHAHAHAHHAHAHA
LMAO!
@ 6:57 PM
convo with the biffle.
: i think we make a pretty good couple
: in the back of my mind, i've always wondered what it would be like to be with you
: lol
oops1ifarted
: hahah, it'll be bangin.
: im a pretty good gf,
: least i think i am
: HAHAH
: ego booster FTW!
AJ Smilez
: and i know i can be the best any girl can ever have
oops1ifarted
: hahah, it'll be bangin.
: im a pretty good gf,
: least i think i am
: HAHAH
: ego booster FTW!
AJ Smilez
: and i know i can be the best any girl can ever have
: double ego-booster FTW
oops1ifarted
: AHAHAHAHHAHAHA
LMAO!
oops1ifarted
: AHAHAHAHHAHAHA
LMAO!
Friday, September 3, 2010 @ 6:14 AM
.D_r_a_i_n_e_d
just a little...
emotionally...
and
Physically...
drained.
update more later.